Puberty, aka the ultimate biological predator, is driving a wedge between Ollie, who is soon to be thirteen, and their lifelong friends. Because Ollie is neither masculine enough for the neighborhood boys’ hockey team nor feminine enough for Cal, their boy-crazy best friend, Ollie’s gender expression is a problem for both groups. But if there is one thing that Ollie knows for sure, it is that they are not a girl. Ollie does not know where they fit in. Their usual ability to camouflage is being disrupted by all the surrounding changes.

Because health class lacks LGBTQ+ sex ed, Ollie, who is not a girl and does not want to be a woman, is unsure if their feelings are normal. It is all from a straight gender assigned at birth point of view. Ollie has to write an essay for health and writes it on what it means to be a woman, not as much for the class but for themself because Ollie does not think there is a choice for them. They try to do things like shop for bras and have their sister help them try on makeup, and they hope by writing this essay they will embrace womanhood.

Ollie is afraid to discuss their gender identity at home. Their mom died when they were 8, and Ollie is not sure about how their dad and college-age sister Lila will react and is afraid that this will cause them to lose their family. Their Mimi keeps calling and asking them why their dad does not make them dress like a girl since they are about to be thirteen. Ollie has an unspecified difficulty with social cues and hyper-fixations. Their friends are making new friends which, because of Ollie’s difficulty, is difficult for them to do.

There had been an anonymous question box in health class, and when it was their turn to draw a question for the teacher to answer, Ollie wound up drawing their own, which was, what if I do not want to be a woman? A while after that, one girl from their health class comes up to them and says their health teacher is wrong and no one has to become a woman and that there is no one way to be a woman either, which makes Ollie think she understood it was Ollie’s question. Ollie gets pushed out of neighborhood hockey for being a girl. They are 7th graders.

The pressure to do the right thing, dress and act girly, wear makeup and bras, use she/her pronouns rather than to be the person they were meant to be, is weighing on Ollie. They hate going by their birth name, but kids at school and their Mimi keep calling them it. They are so scared to make friends that might understand them because they do not want to get pushed farther away by hanging out with kids who get bullied for being different. Ollie’s mom dying and her sister being in college means that Ollie is not prepared for bodily changes at all like bras and periods and being expected to shave legs and armpits. Ollie has their first panic attack buying bras.

They wish something terrible would happen so they would not have to get periods or grow breasts. Ollie interviewed numerous women for their health essay. One teacher thinks that a lot of what is defined as masculinity and femininity has to do with social norms. Ollie’s sister Lila discusses how their mom told her that growing up in Iran, she was raised to be as small and quiet as possible. Lila felt like she took up too much space in the wrong way, so she told her to take up as much space as she needed.

Then Lila tells Ollie that she thinks the world gives mixed signals on how women and girls should act: don’t be too quiet but do not be too loud either, don’t be bossy but do not be a pushover. Lila explains their mom wanted them to be strong feminists, and Ollie says, was she not a stay-at-home parent? Lila explains that while she had decided that she would stay home with Ollie, she had worked when Lila was younger. She explains that femininity is about having the life that you want for yourself and not one that someone else or society expects you to have.

Ollie learns a lot about friendship and what having real friends and being a real friend is about when they decide to make friends with the kids they were worried about before. They find a sense of community and acceptance that they did not think could exist for them. The story wraps up nicely even with questions left unanswered about Ollie’s future. Nobody knows their future at thirteen, anyway.

I enjoyed this book very much as a nonbinary trans masc person. I wish there had been access to books like this when I was growing up. This book, and others like it, will hopefully make kids feel more seen and understood, which makes me happy.

Reviewers note: Ollie is not set on what pronouns to use throughout most of the book except for knowing they do not like she\her at all. I used they\them throughout this review to be respectful of this.

I thank Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group | Feiwel & Friends for providing an e-arc of this book and NetGalley for its book review platform.